Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Why To I Am Crying Last Night

Last night, while I for whatever dumb reason browsed the "Spread Firefox" site- a particular highlight of my day, I tell you- I stumbled across this little effort from a young man who may or may not be from Thailand. As any Thai person in their right mind will tell you, for whatever reason Thailand is not exactly a hotbed of Firefox usage. This brave young man, rebel striving against adversity as it were, has created a website which chronicles the bold reasons why we should all dump Internet Explorer and its sorry Tartarean code for the bright Elysian Fields of Firefox.

The result is here.

What can I say, the guy gets an "A" for effort. This is a boy who clearly loves Firefox. He wakes in the morning with a big smile on his face thinking about how Firefox will help millions. He goes to school/work/jail/church/marae/home with a spark in his eyes and a spring in his step. He knows that he is working for the common good, for the benefit in humanity. So much love has gone into this website. So much love.

So, it broke my heart to see the spelling errors, the endless grammatical flaws. The facts aren't exactly... factual none neither. There's a big ugly ad across its metaphorical forehead which is almost akin to when a big bully writes "loser" on you in permanent marker and you have to walk around with it all day, or when your mother dresses you for your first day of high school and you happen to be wearing orange bike pants. The example of a pleasing "firefox theme" is actually the most godawful example of poor taste I have seen- it looks like an underage disco, all black with neon lights and maybe all with the illicit kissing with way too much tongue and braces and pimples in the corner away from the teachers. Reading this website and almost chortling to myself I felt that deep guilt that you sort of get when you see this defenceless lower-than-average-intelligence kid with her shirt on backwards get picked on and you sort of don't do anything and just sort of giggle nervously.

This website is truly the retarded puppy of Firefox advertising websites.

CUTE like a retarded puppy.

LIKE A RETARDED PUPPY WITH A WONKY LEG AND BUTTS FOR EYES.

SO CUTE THAT IT KILLED THE DARK PRINCE'S HARD-ON FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH.

SO UNBELIEVABLY FUCKING CUTE THAT IT CAUSED THE WORLD TO ALMOST DESTROY ITSELF IN A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION OF SELF-PITY AT HAVING CREATED SUCH A PATHETIC CREATURE BUT THEN STOPPED ITSELF AT THE LAST MINUTE BECAUSE IT STARTED CRYING UNCONTROLLABLY AND THEN HAD TO TAKE THE REST OF THE WEEK OFF FOR "GIRLS' PROBLEMS".

Anyway, that's why I'm turning up late to class tomorrow.

Menstruation.

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