Friday, May 26, 2006

Painful, Inflammatory and Unusual

Upon hearing of such grand doctorly names as "Galaxy" and "Omar", at my time at Sunshine Hospital (where the weather is determinedly overcast), I began to feel that my own title was perhaps inadequate. It was at this point that I began to see the technical language of my chosen career, that of medicine, as a treasure trove of lovely names which I could use for my own purposes.

There is that very pretty Latin spelling of a traditional name, "Anaesthesia". Then there is "Candida", a very common name among the not-so-English speaking world. I have taken a fancy to "Porphyria", which I have been told is also a lovely poem by Robert Browning. I even know an "Alexia" in real life! "Chorea" is a nice, friendly sort of place to be named after.

As to a surname? Well, mark my words, I was surprised to see a name very similar to that of a familiar gynaecological condition upon the back of a Greek soccer player this evening. His surname? "Salpingidis". It certainly brings to mind those famous characters of Willy Shakespeare (known for his many inventions, including the vibrator- from which he obviously took his name), those of King Leer and his daughters Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea!

So much choice! So few letter spaces on those immigration forms!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Rejected Perfume Ideas

AD: Calvin Klein Perfume: "Sexual Evolution"

Scene: A darkened sensual room with a lava lamp in the middle. Black and white. Background music: wanker jazz.

Lava lamp:
Sometimes i feel like an amoeba next to another amoeba.
Then we merge.
And exchange genetic material.
I like to call it
"SEX".
Voiceover:
SEXUAL EVOLUTION.
The new perfume by Calvin Klein.
Evolve. To a higher state of organism.
FIN

~

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Rar. Zen of Thilini.

Inspired by Pet Redhead's innovative t-shirt idea (see title), I embarked on a mission to convert those around me to my new enlightened perspective. Much like Siddhartha Gautama after he progressed from Bodhisattva to Buddha, I realised that the philosophy of "rar" must be delivered to the people of the land so that they could find enlightenment as I have. As the Buddha did upon his journey after enlightenment, I journeyed (online of course) to my dear mother, Amma, and decided to pass on my newfound wisdom. The chat log is as follows:

Thilini: rar
Amma: What does that mean?
Thilini: it's just a random sound
pronounced like this: "rar"
it can mean anything you like!
it can represent anger, sadness, happiness, joy, fear, boredom, interest...
ANYTHING!
sometimes it can even mean the 5 precepts
Amma: Very non specific
Thilini: it is the best word!
imagine if the english language was replaced by it
the world would be a much better place
and everyone would just say "rar"
Amma: you are crazy. It will be like animals

To be fair, she does have a point there. I am crazy. A world of "rar" would be very similar to the aminal kingdom where, for example, a puddy tat can communicate in that pure form known as "miaow", "purr", "hiss" and "body language". But think how happy the aminals are!

Fwee like a kitty kat!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Fairytale Objects

Of a night on MSN, dear Pet0r and I decided that there was something lacking from the repertoire of children's songs. The tragedy of those who do not know how to locate that fabled organ of repute, the clitoris, is an ill paramount in moden society, and such a thing must be rectified by the education of our nation's finest resource- children! The results of this undertaking were as follows.

"Mary had a little clitoris"
Mary had a little clitoris
E-I-E-I-O
BINGO was its name-oh!
Sugar and spells
And clitoris bells
That's what little girls are made of
With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
She shall have music whenever she comes!
Such educational material, was, as ever, accompanied by much "nudging" from my partner in crime over MSN. I was muchly stirred by its rich cadence, and my chat window, it did shiver.

As I exclaimed to the mighty Joshie: "Don't you bingo my clitoris!"