Friday, December 09, 2005

Odds and Ends

In a celebration of Post #102, I have decided to compile a list of small humorous bits and pieces which on their own would not be worthy of a post! Many of these are almost, in themselves, follow-ups to past posts, and thus, almost a retrospective! Yay!

Medical terms that I have been called recently:
  • Tylenol
  • Fertility
Some Definitions:

DateFreeze: (n.) when you are on a date and there is that awkward pause when you think that maybe you should kiss them but you're not really sure what to do.

Fundamental Incompatibility: (n.) when your relationship is doomed from the start because your operating systems and/or hardware do not compute. Contrast: Terminal Error; Critical Failure.

Another bad pickup sequence (on MSN):

H4xx0r: And so, I had this really big accident where I fell asleep at the wheel and the next thing I knew, my car was flipping over, and I almost died...
Me: Wow, that's terrible!
H4xx0r: ...so I decided, to hell with it all! I need a new perspective on life, to live life day by day to the fullest as if I might die tomorrow...
Me: Good plan!
H4xx0r: ... and I think this means I should just have sex with as many people as I possibly can!
Me: ...
H4xx0r: Wanna cyber?
Snipergirl has logged off

In regards to a forum thread about "hot girls" in Harry Potter:

Note how in this post, the lesbian paedophiles send each other emoticons that look like this: "<3". While this is ostensibly a love-heart, it looks a lot more like something far more sinister... recall that the true sign of a paedophile is that they give candy rather than flowers, or take their dates out for ice-cream rather than coffee.

I would like to suggest that this double cone of ice-cream shaped emoticon is the International Symbol of Paedophilia, and is in fact the method by which paedophiles communicate with and find each other on internet fora, secret-handshake-style!

Beware, fellow internet travellers; if someone sends you this emoticon, they are not, as you may have hoped, attempting to get into your silken drawers. Not only are they a paedophile, they also believe that YOU are a paedophile. Possibly with good reason. Be warned.

If you see this emoticon in use, please email us: pedo-land@no-onecares.com or peeweeherman@inksad.net.

Please send this message on to as many people as you can! If you do not email more than 10 people with this message, frogs will plague you, Asian bird flu will infect you, tsunamis, hurricanes and earthquakes will assail you, terrorists will explode you, anti-terror squads will detain you and guards will electrocute your nipples.

Be alarmed, not alert!

And finally, In Memoriam of the Old Q&A, recently deceased. Requiescat In Pace. We miss you:

Welcome to the new, "revamped" Builder's Arms. We are now known to the world as a rather fancy wine bar, quite indeed and have, as such, rebranded ourselves as "Secretia's Secret."

Secretia's Secret! The finest, most exclusive wine establishment in the country of Oe-stray-lia! Do drop in! It will be Rather Dashing!

3 comments:

Snipergirl said...

Thanks Brutal Honey!

I must apologise, I accidentally deleted your comment :(. Stupid blogspot.

Viridiancircle said...

I always thought '<3' was a moustached man, like dorky Jon Arbuckle's dorky friend in the Garfield comics, wearing a party hat. Little did I realise its true paedophilic potentiality.

Snipergirl said...

SOUTHPAW!