Monday, September 05, 2005

Surfin' the Information Highway

While discussing matters of personal hygiene and information technology with The Dark Prince (and how achieving such aims cannot be pursued simultaneously), the concept of the world's first rugged outdoors laptop came about, back-of-napkin-during-drinks-with-physicists-or-engineers-style. Here are some model numbers which I feel are relevant:

XXTreme: The world's first waterproof shock-proof wireless enabled laptop. Designed for rugged outdoorsy types, usually with stubble and bleach-blond hair, possibly with a mountain bike, a surfboard, portable bungy-jumping apparatus and a shitload of pot. Comes with free GPS and an onboard first aid kit.

XXXTreme: In the vein of BMX XXX, this laptop features extra sex appeal and comes in a variety of sexy streamlined ergonomic designs. Comes with USB vibrator device and with optional wipe-down plastic cover.

XXXXTreme: A special model for the Quoinslend bloke who demands more from his laptop. Comes with free onboard hacksaw, 100 different drill bits, sander and jigsaw attachment; 7 different drinks holders with various slogans imprinted; homing missile device for destroying coffee and interior decoration at a distance; GPS system with "nearest jellyfish/crocodile/shark/hot chick" feature activated. Note: This model does not come out in the colours pink, purple, rainbow, paisley or spangly.

XTreme: Turner's Syndrome.

eXTreme: A model dedicated to sufferers of the ill effects of using the XXXXTreme rather than the XXXTreme to pick up chicks. Comes with free anti-depressants, booze and Valium.

SSTreme: Special model for ESL students with fascist or neo-Nazi tendencies. Comes with your choice of authoritarian paraphenalia and case logo detail. Note: This model has been withdrawn in Germany and Austria pending legal action.

MONOTreme: What do you get when you mate kissing-sluttiness-related viral illnesses with platypi? A model with hybrid appeal! Comes with free Zovirax, and an evolutionary biology diagram! Note: USB PCR device included for an extra $50,000/= (excl. GST). Primers not included.

You know what? I think we'll make a mint!



Snipergirl said...

Does no-one read this blog anymore?

nomercyboy said...

Of course! But I couldn't think of anything suitably witty to say.

Snipergirl said...

Well that's certainly a shame. Neither can I.