Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Things I do or do not think

Firstly, for your amusement before I get into the rant, I have discovered, to my surprise, a site which actually manages to have blogs that are even whinier than those on the dreaded LiveJournal. Yes, this site is Vampire Freaks, which appears to consist mainly of whiny goths (as opposed to the non-whiny ones) in whiny goth outfits doing whiny goth activities like whining, gothing, listening to Evanesence and posting drivel of this calibre. The first thing I wondered was "get into" what? Then what "69" really had to do with music. Finally I had to agree with the owner of this blog; if my English was that bad, I would also "Want to die". The truly ironic thing of course is that this ESL Vampire is one of the top 5 rated girls on this site. One has to wonder what kind of people rate this stuff. Oh yeah, that's right, it's the Death Squad.

[rant]

And so, finally, an experiment of a different kind comes to an end... Yes, that's right, for those who have been following its progress over the last few months, Dire Assassin has finally signed off, probably for good. My comments as to the success of this project are up now. It's been an interesting time. I've never written such an openly crass, self-centred and cruel character before. As a writer, I feel that I've grown as a result as in the past I would not have had the faintest idea how to begin such an undertaking. To the uninitiated, Dire Assassin was a "what if" scenario. What if there was another explanation for my behaviour, one that posited that I was, in fact, the typical career-obsessed self-centred arrogant medical student? And what then would be the responses of the readers, many of whom know me?

I was somewhat amused by many of the responses I received.

I was also fairly shocked.

It seems that much to my surprise (given my initial problems with writing the character consistently), Dire Assassin was realistic enough to be believable, to the extent that everyone actually believed it was me. And then of course there were the times that even those who knew of the cheap artistic ploy assumed that there were small hidden messages that hinted at reality. Yes, I'm looking at you, Viridiancircle ;-).

What saddens me of course were the expressions of rage, disgust and outrage which this blog invited. In many ways Dire Assassin deserved much of what she got, and the fact that it enraged people demonstrates that the character was exactly who I wanted her to be. However, what I did not expect was how personally people took what I thought was obviously not a very "me" sort of blog. I thought she was quite obviously a character with a different nature to mine. However it seems that quite a few of my friends had problems dealing with a) the separation of fantasy and reality and b) just how nasty my fake character was. As I explain on my rant, I did let small amounts of reality bleed through which accounts perhaps for what happened.

Anyway, while 2 or 3 posts are now private entries for various reasons, the experiment as a whole is staying up for your perusal!

[/rant]

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Poor Taste and Progeny

I am frankly disgusted. The depths to which the people of this country descend to in raising the children of this nation disappoints me. I have discovered what I believe to be a new category of child abuse, that of "cultural abuse". This is when you expose your kids to unfortunate influences and thereby stunt their cultural, emotional, intellectual and verbal development. I believe this is a commonplace practice, and one that may not draw out the outrage that it deserves, but hopefully over time will be up there with physical and emotional abuse. Here I present to you a typical case study:
Exhibit A is a 23 year old intelligent female who is studying medicine, presenting with perceived memory loss and vague feelings of "vagueness". She cannot remember any more of the history of presenting complaint. Upon further questioning it is discovered that her male parental unit played "Meatloaf" and similar artists during her gestation and early childhood development. In fact this resulted in feelings of inadequacy regarding her father's questionable taste and a selective memory impairment of significant periods in the 80's, with particular loss in terms of cultural phenomena.

A conscious state examination revealed that she was unable to name three of Madonna's number one singles, the date on which the 80s began, copy a complicated looking diagram with "AB" and its reverse written next to each other, or even repeat the phrase "Guns 'n Roses are totally radical and awesome dude". This appeared to be a result of a hysterical state induced by the extensive cultural abuse sustained as a child, as she often winced during questioning and flat out refused to answer.

During the physical examination, Exhibit A became extremely agitated, shouting epithets such as "Stop touching me!" and "I'm calling my lawyer you pervert!" and "I'm not your bloody long case, go bother some old woman with Alzheimers on 5 North!". This correlates well with the level of cultural trauma induced; clearly trust and intimacy issues have arisen from the decades-old abuse.

In conclusion, Exhibit A, a 23 year old medical student is an otherwise intelligent medical student who has suffered clear signes of cultural abuse as a child and has signs of what appear to be memory loss of hysterical nature and severe emotional disturbance resulting in an inability to feel her up, I mean, conduct a full neurological examination. Fundi were normal. It is reasonable to assume that this cultural abuse resulted in her merely achieving a place at the most prestigious medical school rather than becoming a child prodigy who cured cancer at the age of 11.

Her ongoing issues include her memory loss, her emotional disturbance and her lawyer's fees after she finishes attempting to sue the crap out of me and failing. My management would include 15 MRI scans, those whiny self-help tapes with Earth Mothers talking in the and Enya playing in the background, a full blood examination, urea and electrolytes and several Betamax tapes from the 80s so that she can relive the memories that she has lost. And a repeat fundoscopy every 3 months until she dies.

Thankyou and goodnight.
I am appalled that this sort of abuse would occur in Australia. However after the release of my new self-help tape in 12 parts for $459.99/= each called "Cultural Abuse: Healing the Beyond" I feel that this ridiculous problem shall be brought to the wider attention of our community! Life will never be the same! 11 year olds will cure cancer!

The future will be ours, my children!