Sunday, May 08, 2005

Prudie, Deficiently

And once again, the time comes in which to mock those who are lesser than us, in reasoning ability as well as the forum in which they air their grievances- yes, that's right, internet advice columns. When I was sent a link to the following article at the impressively mediocre MSN Slate internet magazine, I was unsure what to expect. Perhaps the kind of gratuitous narrative that seems to haunt both agony aunts and the internet, that dispenser of the cruel and unnatural. What I didn't expect (but in hindsight was quite inevitable), was quite the level of impressive mediocrity that followed.

There is just so much wrong with this advice column that it's difficult to know just where to start. Firstly, we have the subject matter: what kind of self-respecting advice columnist takes on "telling your kids that their father has been in jail" given the possibility of answering "what to do when you discover that your secret lover is not only your brother, father and granddaughter but is cheating on you with... your pet horse Pablo" or "how to fix your hydraulic dildo without waking up your grandmother"? This column is boring to the point of being surreal. Then there is the matter of the complainant's recourse to pseudo-feminist ideology in defence of her stupid and frankly guilty husband; besides which, what kind of man ends up being bitten by two skanks in a pub?

And then of course there is the none-too-intelligent "Prudie", our dim-witted agony aunt. I'm not sure how one would "finesse" a question, but I'm fairly sure that Prudie has done a rather poor attempt at it. Then of course: "Prudie hates to take issue with your theory that women are never charged because they are women, but she does"- I am not sure which is worse, the childish reference to herself in the third person or the childish terrible grammar. And of course there is her rather "imaginitive" solution to the problem at hand: there's no point explaining to your child because Daddy will be out of prison before she starts school. Never mind the fact that Daddy has to go and see a parole officer every 2 weeks, and he's not allowed within a 2-mile radius of some random chicks, and all those kids at school say mean things about Daddy. No, it doesn't matter because the moment you leave prison everyone forgets that you're actually a dangerous ex-convict. Sort of like in those "happy ever after" fairytales...

And to top it all off, the letter is signed "Prudie, analytically", after such a retarded response.

I'm speechless.

Edit: To see a compilation of the comments from this conversation go to this link. Feel free to add more to this via comments!

14 comments:

Aubrey said...

My husband is a mail order bride. What do I do?

David said...

check his sex. is he a bride or a real man?

Snipergirl said...

Check his paintbrush... is he a real walrus?

David said...

check his hair...does the collar match the cuff?

Snipergirl said...

Check his decor... do the carpets match the drapes?

David said...

male order bride, male order bride, don't get your penis caught in a fan

Snipergirl said...

male order bride, male order bride, don't get yourself caught on the bus

David said...

male order bride, male order bride, you don't wanna lose your stuff

Snipergirl said...

Male order bride, male order bride, the pain's not eased by grapes

Aubrey said...

male order bride, male order bride, can you be returned for a full refund?

...less shipping

Crono said...

male order bride, male order bride, have you seen http://slate.msn.com/id/2118540/ yet SG?

Snipergirl said...

Check your decade; is she a prude or a real slut?

I LOLed

queerlittleprincess said...

I liked the one about the woman who didn't wear shoes at work. I don't wear shoes at work. What's the problem? Americans are retarded. What so unhygenic about feet?

Snipergirl said...

ATHLETE'S FOOT!