Monday, May 02, 2005

Bleeding Hearts

Now, this post is one dedicated to the 13 year old para-suicide market. Yes, that's right, those whiny goths who listen to Evanescence.

I've been spending far too much time on LiveJournal; the LiveJournal of course that is the headquarters of the whiny goth movement, with its endless streams of posts along the lines of "I got depressed and cried today" and "woe is me, my friends are all dead" and "I got a haircut today, and it was terrible" (it's truly amazing how many bad haircut posts there are on LJ).

So in a moving tribute to poems about wilted flowers, black lace and spiders, I present to you, my dear readers, an account of the revenge that perhaps one day we shall mete out to those peddlers of self-pity, those whores if you will of florid mock Victorian prose...

It begins when we lure interested parties into a den of horrors somewhere in an alleyway off Flinders Street festooned with such slogans as "Extentua, Princess of Gloom", "Katastrophika the Owl", "Atalectesis" and "Black Dawn: The Deathening". Drawn to the dodgy ambiance, our victims will flock, and we shall sequester them alone. And when they pause in the doorway... then BAM! Stake to the heart!
"So, who's got a bleeding heart now, you anaemic vampire wannabe!"
"Love lies bleeding" indeed...

11 comments:

Aubrey said...

I am so alone. Nobody knows me. I am an enigma. My life is a cesspool. All humans are evil, I hate people. I am the lord of darkness.

Aubrey said...

I am so alone. Nobody knows me. I am an enigma. My life is a cesspool. All humans are evil, I hate people. I am the lord of darkness.

David said...

When the Devil is too busy
And Death's a bit too much
They call on me by name you see,
For my special touch.
To the Gentlemen I'm Miss Fortune
To the Ladies I'm Sir Prize
But call me by any name
Any way it's all the same

I'm the fly in your soup
I'm the pebble in your shoe
I'm the pea beneath your bed
I'm a bump on every head
I'm the peel on which you slip
I'm a pin in every hip
I'm the thorn in your side
Makes you wriggle and writhe
And it's so easy when you're evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I'm evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need

While there's children to make sad
While there's candy to be had
while there's pockets left to pick
While there's grannies to trip down the stairs
I'll be there, I'll be waiting round the corner
It's a game. I'm glad I'm in it
'Cause there's one born every minute

I pledge my allegiance, to all things dark
And I promise on my damned soul
To do as I am told, Lord Beelzebub
Has never seen a soldier quite like me
Not only does his job, but does it happily.

I'm the fear that keeps you awake
I'm the shadows on the wall
I'm the monsters they become
I'm the nightmare in your skull
I'm a dagger in your back
An extra turn on the rack
I'm the quivering of your heart
A stabbing pain, a sudden start.

And it's so easy when you're evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I'm evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need

It gets so lonely being evil
What I'd do to see a smile
Even for a little while
And no one loves you when you're evil
I'm lying though my teeth!
Your tears are all the company I need

Voltaire - When You're Evil

nomercyboy said...

Wow, I never knew Voltaire wrote such powerful poetry.

Snipergirl said...

*Insert comment about "Volt" and "Power" here*

David said...

It's a song. sounds pretty cool.

Anonymous said...

Cries....why is it every time I try to read this msg board nothing makes sense??? Is this another kind of English? Thilini???? -Q

Snipergirl said...

Many of the comments are satirical/sarcastic I believe... This is the closest to an explanation that I can come up with as many of the OTHER comments are, of course, inexplicable =)

Anonymous said...

They're beyond satiracal, their like mind scramblingly out there.

Aubrey said...

the wah-wah pedal is mightier than the sword

Aubrey said...

Found on LJ:

User: mephistophelina (2321786)
Evil Incarnate!
Name: 666
Location: Corpus Christi, Texas, United States
Birthdate: 1985-01-08
Bio: I am the Devil. Satan, if you will. Get used to it.