Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Tales from the Outback

So, there I am, checking out some timetables for my eventual return to Horsham, and I happen to notice a certain little town called "Keith", which is some way along the road from Adelaide to Melbourne. As I happen to be chatting to Siren Elmira the Seductress at the time, I mention to him the existence of a town named after him and proceed to google it.

The results were intriguing, and shall I say, ironic, to say the least. Keith is a small, rural, agricultural town in South Australia with a population of roughly 1,200. It was founded in 1889 in the middle of a desert. No-one even moved in for another 5 years. They only had a proper BUILDING a decade later. Even so, it is older than Siren Elmira, not to mention larger. In a statement reminiscent of Ferrero's penultimate question "Can you grow vegetables in your pussy?", it turns out that "Keith is a busy grain growing centre and produces around half of Australia's lucerne crop."

I wonder if there are any wild sheep in Keith?

Some Links:

Travelmate guide to Keith
Sydney Morning Herald article about Keith

Monday, March 28, 2005

Confessions of a Back Seat Megalomaniac

I have not, until this point, outlined the life that I will pursue prior to my retirement to a dodgy apartment block with my partner in crime, Sarah. My dear friend Pet0r and I shall embark on a journey which in due time will affect the course of world history...

It begins when we patent that final universal constant, Death. The money that is raised from such an undertaking is used to purchase Greece and our new homes. I shall live in Victorian State Parliament, and commute to work by my F-18. While ruling Greece in a fair and just manner, I shall promote various associates of mine to Ministries. I shall be Citizen Thilini, Mother of Our Nation, Prince Xerxes shall be Citizen Michael, Father of Our Nation, Pet0r shall be the all powerful Prime Minister For Life, Narftroz shall be the Minister for English and Churches and Ferrero shall be the Minister of Love, while Phil opposes my tyrannical reign with his own tyrannical reign. I will institute a policy of herding the red-heads to a small Greek island, where they shall be bred in captivity to be sold as pets.

Beyond this, the future is ours to contemplate...

From Greece with love,

As ever yours,