Thursday, December 09, 2004

The Saga of Princess Peach, Part One

Of all the tut0rs at lovely International House, one clearly stands out for her, well, weirdness. That girl is dear Princess Peach, whom I initially mistook for a fresher. In this new series of posts, I shall enlighten you all with a few anecdotes of our ex-tut0r, who will be sadly missed... *cough*.

Episode 1: Knights on White Horses with Blue Satin Sashes

So, my first real encounter with Princess Peach was in the Senior Common Room. We were all sitting around, and the Squirrel With Arrows On Its Back brought up an interesting study he had read about how certain features - such as large eyes, large ears, fur etc - make something/someone look cute. The subject then changed to "features you find sexually attractive" and in turn to "people you find sexually attractive". The tutors answered in turn and finally the question turned to me...
"So, SG, what kind of guys do you find attractive? You know I'm really interested in finding out because you know, I think lots of guys would be intimidated by how outgoing you are, so I was wondering which guys you like."
So said Princess Peach. We all sorta gave each other funny looks- she really had no idea... The Cradle Snatcher was the first to break the silence.
"Ummm, I don't think her tastes exactly run that way."
"What guys think of me sort of isn't particularly relevant." I added, hoping she'd get the hint.
"Oh, but I think that a guy would really, you know, complement your personality, blah blah blah..."
And she sort of went on like that for a bit. I sort of had to spell it out for her not long after that.
"But what if there was this guy, you know, and he was really nice and handsome and he was really understanding of your situation..."
At that point I realised what I barely thought possible- there, in front of me was a university graduate who really did not understand the concept of homosexuality.
"You know, you're giving quite a good description of someone's best guy friend there," said the Cradle Snatcher.
Princess Peach attempted to continue. Then K-squared interrupted and turned the tables on her:
"So what if there was a girl who had exactly the same features, was really nice, and beautiful and really understanding. Would you go for her?"
Princess Peach of course flatly refused. After quite some discussion we put it to her: would she rather kiss a 70 year old man with syphilis and herpes, or a young beautiful girl of 20?
"I wouldn't kiss either."
"But you have to choose one. Ok, you have to choose or you'll die."
"Well, ok, the 70 year old man with syphilis."
"Alright, what if you had to choose between dying and kissing the girl?"
"I'd choose to die."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. I wouldn't do anything that would affect my integrity like that!"
"You'd rather die than kiss a girl?"
"Yes. Well maybe if I had a husband and kids who relied on me to be alive maybe I would, but then I would be really depressed."
Riiiight...
And then we got onto the subject of what kind of guy Princess Peach would be into. She described a Prince Charming character (surprise surprise) who was destined to be with her since she was born who's out there somewhere waiting to sweep her off her feet. She wouldn't have to go and find him (and she wouldn't try either), he'd find her.
"You know, if I'd heard that from an 11 year old I'd call it naive, but coming from a 28 year old, no offence, but this is simply stupid," said K-squared who articulated what we were all thinking.
Once again, I was at a complete loss.

Till next time,
- SG Out

9 comments:

Aubrey said...

maybe she is in denial? I've only ever heard such strong homophobia from males, and they turned out to be kinda gay....


oh and hey, sorry about not replying to your comment....I want to, but I also want not to offend you, so I just left it.

Snipergirl said...

lol, i can't work out whether it's homophobia or just complete weirdness (i'd say the latter, just because she is so randomly naive and clueless about EVERYTHING)

no worries re: the comment... I hope I didn't offend you, I wasn't meaning to, I just more wanted to give a perspective that wasn't American? And I really don't agree with terrorists or militant anti-American action; I suppose I meant more that I think that the root of the problem might be America's reputation. However, feel free to remove it if you like, I think I could've probably ranted a bit less about it :-Þ!

Snipergirl said...

Oh and feel free to reply by the way, I really don't mind other people having opinions that differ markedly from mine as long as they're respectful of my right to have an opinion basically! And I do see where you're coming from... and like I said you only really understand history in hindsight anyway.

David said...

nah, you are so wrong... you don't value anyones opinion, seriously, your blog is just here to stoke someones ego....oh...wait...this is snipergirl's blog, not The Beefs =Þ

Snipergirl said...

"These anti-feminist anti-lesbian ranters are extremely dedicated."
"We're pro-feminist and pro-lesbian. Just anti-you and your kind."

Hehehe.

Aubrey said...

feel free to remove it? This is me, Sniper, who wrote oh only three long ranty post when someone did that to me on their blog.

remove it... psshaw yeah right. see, now I'm going to reply and be all offensive....

Snipergirl said...

sweet as! go for it.

Aubrey said...

finally posted that reply...yeah, yeah I know, took long enough, but I was busy uh...studying. Not looking at hot chicks. Definitely studying.

Snipergirl said...

Sweet as! Just read it, not sure whether I will comment or not... Depends on how I feel once I finish this goddamn assignment :-P.