Thursday, December 16, 2004

The Perils of a Political Life

Well, after a couple of conversations about domineering woman politician types, it has come the attention of both me and Chris Medicine that these battle-axes (I use the term fondly) have one thing in common: their weird names. I mean honestly, let's take a look at some of the names we have on display: Megawati Sukarno-Putri, Benazir Bhutto, Natasha Stott-Despoja, Dawn de Witt, Wilma Beswick, Sirimavo Bandaranaike. Which is probably why they entered politics- to screw over the little fuckers who teased them in primary school. Case in point: Condoleezza Rice.

Honestly, what kind of name is that? We came up with several theories as to how someone could conceivably come up with such an unbelievably odd name and scar their daughter with it at birth forever more. They all involve a father in a state of shock at the thought of having to name his daughter at short notice one way or another.
" I got a condo, would ya like to leeze 'er? Actually that kind of makes a cool name, Condoleezza it is!"

"Oh FUCK... a name?!? Er... Oh dear I haven't got my glasses... COND(ensed milk) OL(ives) - store in the frEEZA after use, mix with RICE and water..."
I think you all get the idea. Honestly the only reason I can conceive of for people not making fun of her name more is either the fact that she is a) scary and probably in complete control of the world's toughest army or b) they assume like the uber-PC, condescending pricks that they are that it is a traditional African name. Like "Moesha". Or "Mya". Or "Brandy". Or "Tina Turner".

Honestly, mate.

Later that night, I had a disturbing thought... who was the leader of these oddly named politicians? Could it be... The Iron Lady?! I thought of the Falklands with horror...

I think this post demonstrates the immaturity of myself and my friends the best. And if anyone even dares mention what my name is, I will make sure my mighty wrath will come down on you from... well... 50 years in the future and that cache of nukeyoular weapons that I'll have from taking over my little island despot haven in the sun and ruling it with an iron fist.

With love,
The Oracle

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