Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Quote of the Day

Her vagina is like Federation Square; many have visited, and they all left because it was so disappointing.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Bind THIS!

So, today in the Queer Lounge Siren Elmira the Seductress and da Cheese were having an argument due to the fact that Siren voted for Labor banning gay marriage despite being gay himself. Da Cheese was going off at him for all the hypocrisy in his arguments, and we all agreed with her. Of course, there was little point in trying to argue with him, as he "binds to what the caucus decides", which is another way of saying that he's a sheep.

So Pet0r decided to call a vote. All those who agreed with Siren: 1. All those who agreed with da Cheese: 6. Then I proclaimed it to be a binding caucus. And that was that.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Pyrexia of Unknown Origin...

So, several days after a nice episode of Siren Elmira the Seductress's delirious glandular fever-induced rantings on the couch about how we should find accomodation on a 6-day cruise in the Mediterranean for $5000, we found ourself walking down to Lygon with the Stalker, who was similarly delirious. After lots of nonsense, we asked him if he had glandular fever. To which he replied: "D'Angelo Fever? What's that?". Bizarre.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Minty-fresh and Silky-smooth

And now, the story of how Minty-Fresh got her nickname. And some other random stuff.

Yes, it was a late-night conversation in the foyer which started the saga... Minty-Fresh, Young Grasshopper and Andrea with a W and I were hanging out, and of course as all late-night conversations do, the conversation turned to random dodginess. So someone says "hmmm, I reckon minty lubricant would be cool" and Minty-Fresh immediately interjects "No! It would burn!", which immediately earned her such a nickname.

And after another late night conversation, here is what Minty-Fresh will do with any young man she wishes to date:

1) Ask him if he's seen "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"
2) Sniff him
3) Shave him with mint-flavoured shaving cream
4) Dress him
5) Put other deodorant on him
6) Take him to "Eternal Sunshine" and make out with him for 1/7 of the movie
7) Strip him, cover him in minty shaving cream/toothpaste stuff, and then lick him clean while he makes chimpanzee noises.

Needless to say, anytime I mention ANY words in that description at dinner, Minty-Fresh bursts out laughing... unless she employs some "zen-like calm" in which case, there's a delay before she giggles.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

The Beef.

Camberwell, Jay and I sat in the Queer Lounge one day, playing with one of those creepy lamb toys which makes a noise when you tip it over. It'd been in the QL for ages, strung up from one of the windows in some kind of weird bungy-like position. Anyway, so Ferrero asks us to pass "the Beef" (obviously referring to the lamb toy). Me and Camberwell just crack up, for about 10 mins, at which point Pet0r is totally weirded out by us. So yeah, we named our new QL mascot lamb "The Beef".

Later, at Karaoke, we decided that the Sheila fangirl reminded us of The Beef with her innocent college-girl face, but try-hard tough behaviour. So she's called "The Beef" too. You can tell them apart by the italics.

So now you know.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Gay men are sick.

Dammit, I'm sick of it. Every time we get a case study on a gay man, either there is an assumption in the case study that the guy has to have HIV testing or everyone in my stupid group thinks that all gay men should automatically be tested for HIV even if they came in with back pain or something totally irrelevant. This time is no different; the guy (who is a white Australian) comes in with what looks like skin cancer for gods' sake, the case notes talk about how they did a sexual history and asked for an HIV test and MY GROUP FINDS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! There is a possibility that the reason that the doctor in the case study suspects HIV is because of a viral skin infection common in immunocompromised patients which can have a similar description... but NO-ONE in my group even considered that skin infection. They think it is relevant just because the guy, who is in a 29-year monogamous relationship and usually only has oral sex, is GAY. I'm pretty sure this is some 20 years after they changed the name of GRID or Gay-Related Immunodeficiency to AIDS.

I think the reason that I am pissed off is because people act as if being a gay man is some kind of disease which has the common complication of HIV/AIDS. People forget that most people infected with HIV in the world are straight. Straight women have the highest rates of new infections in Australia. In fact, so many of the straight people I know engage in either risky sexual behaviour or have never had an STD test despite their slutty behaviour. Lesbians are no better- they just assume they can't get anything, despite the fact that syphilis, herpes, chlamydia and gonorrhea can all be transmitted by oral sex... and a surprisingly high number of lesbians have sex with gay men. The blatant hypocrisy of straight people however is what really gets me. They are willing to point the finger, but they can't take any responsibility for themselves.

Amusingly enough, I just called my mother and she has no idea why anyone would take a sexual history for someone with skin cancer just because they're gay. And she is a relatively conservative woman.

I am at a total loss.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

What's she on? I want me some of that!

Last night was the Booze Cruise, which I didn't go to. As people were arriving back and hanging out in the foyer I decided to tease this girl, Evelyn by telling people she was on crack. She, rather surprisingly, took me seriously and was annoyed. Then she challenged me to a duel with her plastic pirate swords. As we had both done some fencing before we ended up having this random foil duel in the middle of the foyer. It was utterly retarded. There are now some photos apparently...