Thursday, July 29, 2004

Japanese Restaurant

In the future I will open a Japanese restaurant which specialises in mushroom dishes. Its name? The Nagasaki.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Neopets 0wnz j00

So, right now, Aetherfox, as in "Aetherfox, L33t Master of Games" got totally owned by a tree stump in Neopets.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Clones and Fairy Robots

So, for the past couple of nights, me and Tynic et al. have been doing a bit of ye olde bar hopping, in both the city and Fitzroy. During our wanderings, we've noticed a couple of new species of bar denizens. That's right, the Clones and the Fairy Robots.

Clones:
We stood in the Deanery next to a table which was apparently empty, but for the coats of its so-called occupiers, who stood casually talking, in ostentatious defiance of our obvious desire to sit at the table. Eventually we did however- soon after, the previous occupants decided to take their apparel and leave. And then we did see the Clones. Three or four women, strikingly alike in countenance somehow, and yet not all that alike at all. We could not fathom the reason for their similarity- they were not identical, and yet they seemed frighteningly similar, in the way that married couples grow to resemble each other. Their haircuts, their style of apparel, their general facial structure appeared to correlate to a large degree, and yet, that still did not seem to explain their freakish resemblance.
Such bizarre occurrences were forgot until the following night, when we sat in a bar adorned with the posters of Communist Chinese propaganda films. We made way for a group of women leaving the bar. They paused and then... their resemblance to the clones of the previous night was apparent. In fact we were convinced that these were the very women who had so weirded us out earlier. However, it was hard to say whether these were the original clones so to speak, or clones of clones. We left with no firm opinion on these strange events.

Fairy Robots:
At Café Nova, a girl sat with shiny "robot boots" on. She also had a tiara and was wearing that style of clothing which screams "I am a cute girl", which sort of went with her vacuous expression quite well. We imagined that her outfit would be complete with the addition of some fairy wings. And thus the legend of the fairy robots was born.
The Black Pearl also sported its very own fairy robot. She had her own robot shoes, her clothing was that lacy kind of op-shop clothing and she wore huge fake pearls which in my opinion were her equivalent of a tiara. These "pearls" were more accurately described as small lustrous balls, and the fake oysters which spawned them would probably be the size of small children.

These events have reinforced what I've known about Melbourne for quite sometime- that it is a place filled with complete weirdos.

SG out

Saturday, July 24, 2004

The horrible truth about Charissa... a Soap Opera

Charissa woke up on a boat with amnesia. Not long afterwards, she met a guy and fell in love with him. Only later did she find out that he was actually her... brother! However by this stage she was pregnant, and felt really screwed up about the fact that she was pregnant with her brother's child. However what she didn't know was that the child she was bearing was actually... her twin sister! She had been secretly impregnated in her sleep. After giving birth to her twin sister, she fell pregnant again. It turned out that this child would actually become her own father. Time travel was somehow involved. This kind of thing happened for some time, until she gave birth to her great great aunt. At this point she had a "uterus like a waterslide" and was just poppin' 'em out.

This story comes courtesy of Regine, who is one fucked up motherfucker. Yes, you heard it here.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Fucking Dishes

Dirty dishes are like an ugly girlfriend... You only do them because you HAVE to.

You know you're bored when...

  • You check your email 100 times in any given day.
  • You find this fact amusing enough to put in your blog.
  • You find recursive jokes amusing.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Tasty!



How to make a "Snipergirl"
Ingredients:

5 parts competetiveness

1 part crazyiness

3 parts ego
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little caring if desired!


Username:




I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader to work out how accurate that is...


Friday, July 16, 2004

Targeted Advertising?

So I load up my blog for some blogging action regarding drunken exploits and I notice that the Google targeted advertising is for "Boyfriend". Related searches? They were for "Girlfriend".

Let me take this opportunity to say "WTF?!?!"

Drunken Antics

Last night, I:
  • Made out with one of my hot gay man friends for fun while my other friends in the background were going "Ewww. Gross! Straight people!!"
  • Almost got with some random other girl who was nice at the time (I'm on the rebound, I'm on the rebound, I'm on the rebound)
  • Threw up in the McDonalds bathroom
  • Walked all the way home from Smith Street, got there at 6am and thought I was going to make it to my 8:30 class
Last night, Athena:
  • "Went home in the back of a divvy van"

Thursday, July 15, 2004

The Secret Life of Fictional Characters...

So, Fearsome Beret and I, as well as spending this part of the pre-semester period in the same vicinity, are also working on a movie idea of mine from back in the day. It's a bit of "Pepi, Luci, Bom", a bit of "Chasing Amy", perhaps with some of the techniques of "Y Tu Mama Tambien. One may wonder how such a weird combination of influences could ever work but... we'll see.

Anyway, what's prompting me to post on this fine evening is that I read out some of the insights I had about my characters a few months ago. Interesting observations such as "Stephanie Walsh is a bit of a social climber and doens't respect her friendships" and "Fiona can be a bit up-herself". Yes that's right, while I may love I characters I apparently bitch about them behind their back too. Still, I suppose they deserve it. Steph for breaking up with Kate and then sleeping with some random guy, and Fiona for making Steph have doubts about Kate in the first place. In fact, Kate could really have been a little bit more understanding and a little less of a whore for the relationship. I'm sure that Hannah is really the only sensible one of the lot of them, but she just projects all her feelings about her gay ex-boyfriend onto others' relationships. Lindsay, Megan and Sarah can go to hell in my opinion and probably will. I feel sorry for Matt. He's such a nice guy and Steph is probably just using him to get over Kate.

Amusingly enough Matt is the character most like Fearsome Beret and Kate is the character most like me. And let's not go into the resemblance of Steph to certain young ladies that I know...

Monday, July 12, 2004

You are a...

COCKMONSTER!

Seriously, isn't it the best descriptive insult you've heard all day?

Yesterday

So, this is a post more about things which freaked me out rather than amused me.

My friend Fearsome Beret found "Ken Park", the Larry Clark movie about, no surprises here, suburbia and fucked up teens, on the College Network.

Suffice it to say, I have never seen such repulsive sex on film ever before. Not even that time that when Memoir showed us that porn about teaching the sad individuals who would watch such porn how to cause female ejaculation.

Maybe I'm a prude, but seeing people have graphic, explicit sex would sort of be ok... if they actually seemed to be enjoying it in some kind of normal way or actually seemed to have some kind of liking for each other. The sex in "Ken Park" was just soulless sex between people who seemed alternately bored, horny, inhuman, manipulative and mostly, creepy.

In fact, creepy is the word which really sums up "Ken Park". The characters themselves are creepy and it is difficult if not impossible to sympathise with such people. Three somewhat "paedophilic" sexual interactions (I would hesitate to call them sex) are depicted for example. By that I mean teenagers of about 15 having sex with people who are their parents or people who are old enough to be their parents in a completely manipulative seeming context. Then of course there is the clearly mentally disturbed Tate, who verbally abuses his grandparents, asphyxiates himself while masturbating to Anna Kournikova (in the most disgusting example of genitalia and ejaculate I have ever seen) and kills them in their sleep.

There was way too much cock. Too much ugly, hairy misshapen cock. Jeez, even I've seen better looking cock in my time, and I'm a lesbian for goodness' sake! Fearsome and I spent much of that movie giving each other good ol' freaked out looks every 5 minutes.

Finally it finished.

"It'd better be a fucking wholesome show we choose to cleanse ourselves" I muttered.
"Brady bunch wholesome" said Fearsome
"Oh no, I think after that, the Brady Bunch would just freak the hell out of me."

So we started watching an episode of "Sex and the City"...